she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
