hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
