4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
