i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
