woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
