she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
