K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
