my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
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The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
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Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.