I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night