who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
time to smoke my breakfast
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Why can't burritos get me drunk
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me