based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
