When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Sext me about skeletons
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
