____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Slut skills are useful in every country.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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