He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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