If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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