That's when you crack a 10am beer
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
