i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize