I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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