when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
