the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
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