I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
My ass is underappreciated
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize