i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I think my vagina is haunted
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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