my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
