On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize