Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
