You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
