Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
