Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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