mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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