captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
