my phone needs a breathalizer
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"