Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
the night ended with taco bell and tears
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
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