Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
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I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
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NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?