before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.