its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
