Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
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There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
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Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means