friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?