three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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