im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize