Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Is her dick bigger than yours?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
