His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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