perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Randomize
