I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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