The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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