we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
