i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
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