STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
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We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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