he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
