and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
