Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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