think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
