I faked an abortion last night.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
