my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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