Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
