I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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