There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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