it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
