I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
we made out on top of his cat.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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