his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
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