My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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