Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
My ass is underappreciated
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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