i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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