And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
