i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
