Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
