youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
