I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
